Space Hamster: Origins
by FallingT
Summary: A new look into the Shakarian love story, featuring Valery Shepard, a hamster and some mild curses. This is for all of those that, like me, do not feel too comfortable with the way things went with our favourite space OTP!
1. Chapter 1

This is a lovely trip down the memory lane!  
The first part of how Valery Shepard realized she was in love with Garrus and somehow managed to confess? We'll see!

(This part of the series was inspired by a lovely fic written by KNACC, "A Different Sort of Romnce", go check it out over on AO3!)  
[Since I also agree with their opinion of the pretty-agressive-and-way-too-sexual begin of Shakarian romance, I decided to try my hand at it with my Shep!]

PART ONE

If there was an adjective that Valery Shepard was sure no one would ever use to describe her, it would have been _shy_. One does not yell fiercely in the face of every power figure or punches ill spoken journalist in the face if one is shy. But what did the world know of Valery Shepard if not what she wanted them to see? The truth was far from her front façade, and the pills she kept stashed everywhere were proof enough.

So it wasn't really surprising that now, faced with the avalanche of her feelings, she had been reduced to a babbling mess, incapable of looking at herself in the mirror without blushing profusely.

Why was that, one might ask?

It all had started some days prior, during their raid of the derelict reaper. As it had become of habit since rescuing the young quarian engineer, she had selected Tali and Garrus for the mission and promptly boarded the dead machine with dread and determination mixing in her blood. She had a blind trust in her team, and despite the usual concern that followed her everywhere, she knew she could count on them to keep themselves and her alive. And they had handled the situation fairly well, with Tali drone doing crowd control and keeping the husks at a distance, until one of those blasted abominations had fired a biotic shockwave directly in Garrus' face. Shepard had seen everything though the scope of her Widow, and suddenly she wasn't trekking through a reaper anymore, but standing on that safe house in Omega, watching the turian take a rocket to his face and nearly dying on her. If the thought had been unbearable then, now it was simply impossible to sustain. Panic had taken hold of her, a primal scream raising from her guts and ripping the air. Sustained by blind fury, she had emptied thermal clip after thermal clip into the Scion's twisted skull, stopping only when it disappeared into ashes. Then Tali had taken care of the remaining husks, while she rushed to Garrus' side, heart pumping so hard she could feel it in every single inch of her body. Medigel ready at hand, she promptly fixed him up, checking for sustaining injuries why she waited for him to regain consciousness.

Never she had witnessed a more relieving sight as when his eyes lit back again, mandibles twitching in discomfort as he came back to it.

'Hey, take it easy big guy. You got knocked out pretty badly there' she had whispered, a bright smile painted on her lips.

The turian groaned and whined, but ultimately got back to his feet. After a roll of his stiff shoulders, he was as good as new.

'I'm fine Shepard, no need to worry' he brushed her concern off. He was never rude to her, but she knew he tended to squirm under her worried look.

'Fine? You almost gave me a heart attack there Garrus!' she half shouted, shoving him accusingly.

He raised a brow plate in confusion, not really sure what he had done to elicit such intense response out of her. It wasn't as if he'd never been knocked out before, especially in situation where he could not stay behind cover for too long.

'I don't wanna interrupt Shepard, but we better move. We are close' Tali prompted them , her eyes trained on her omnitool while she scanned the door ahead.

She had put the matter aside for the rest of the mission, not bothering to examine her gut-wrenching reaction further.

But once she had been back on the ship? Back in the peace and calm of her cabin?

She had methodically gone over every single frame of the memory again and again until she came to one simple answer.

Valery sighed against her pillow. She had been curled up in her bed, hugging her pillow for god only knew how long, incapable of setting foot out of her cabin and go make her usual round around the ship's crew.

No, she could not muster the courage to even slightly by chance running into Garrus.

Not when she had realized her feelings for him.

If she had to be honest, she'd always liked the big turian to begin with, but after Horizon something had shifted in her. She had just attributed it to the strengthening bond of friendship that they shared and noting else. Certainly not to _love_.

Love.

Valery felt her cheeks go on fire as the word ghosted behind her eyes, haunting her now more than ever.

Valery Shepard knew nothing of love.

The only time she had thought she'd fallen in love, it had been back on Mindoir, when she was fourteen. Marcus had been her best friend since childhood, and she had found that, growing up, her feelings for him went over the friendship they shared. It hadn't ended well, of course.

And now she had gone and did it again.

She was in love with her best friend.

And she was so _not_ going to tell him!

She knew little to nothing about turians relationship, and what little she did actually know did not involve humans in any fashion, if not in some fetish.

She did not want to be a fetish for Garrus.

Was he even attracted to humans? She didn't think so, otherwise he would have manifested his interest in some way before.

A frustrated groan left her lips and echoed against the hallow walls of the haul.

'Shepard, your heart rate has significantly increased. Shall I contact Doctor Chakwas?' EDI's voice came through the comms, making her jump up to a seated position.

She was having a hard time remembering that this new Normandy was equipped with an AI that was always watching and analyzing. The thought was a bit disturbing, but the advantages of EDI's presence outweighed the creepiness by a long shot.

'No EDI, don't worry about it. Everything's fine' she responded, still somewhat unsure where to look when talking back to the AI.

'But your body is showing signs of both physical and mental distress. Maybe I should ask Officer Vakarian to come up and check on you?' the AI continued, relentless.

This prompted Shepard to yell a vehement _no_ to the voice, but it seemed it was already too late as Garrus' voice answered her instead, mild concern filling his voice.

Shepard is everything alright? Why were you shouting? he asked, and she could see him with her mind, talons pausing on the console, eyes wearily checking the roof of the battery as if he could see her through the ship.

It was unnerving.

Valery cleared her throat, suddenly very dry, and tried to come up with an excuse.

'I uh…was having a bad dream…' she trailed off, mentally slapping her face as she fell back on the pillows.

Uh. Any particular reason you called me, then?

Of course he wouldn't just let her have it.

He knew something was wrong with her. She never called without a reason, and certainly not to scream randomly at him.

'That was EDI's doing. – she admitted, glaring at the room around her. – I'm sorry I disturbed you' she said apologetically, hoping he would accept her dismissal and leave her to wallow in her self-pity.

There was a pause on the other side, but the comm link remained open.

I can come up, bring something to drink, if you want. I'm done here, and I also wanted to talk about something… his voice said, ever so slightly twisted by the link.

Shepard felt her heart jump in her throat. For all the panic inducing situation she'd ever been in, this was nothing in comparison. It was, in fact, much worse.

She hadn't seen his face for about a day and a half after her big revelation, could she trust herself not to give anything away? Probably not, but at the same time she couldn't stand not seeing him. Alone. In her quarters.

Oh god.

'Sure. I'll be here' she replied, trying to sound way more relaxed than she really was.

Be right there Garrus replied, the comm link shutting close.


	2. Chapter 2

Second part of the magcail journey to the beginnings of Shakarian!  
Our dear Hamster comes into play, and the Normandy's resident romance expert lends her professional opinion.

PART TWO  
Anger, a Hamster and A romance expert

Shepard had never hated the Citadel as much as she did now. Before, she'd always looked at this place as something mythical, even after the discoveries they had made of the Conduit, but now? Now it was the place that had put a chasm between her and Garrus.

He had found Sidonis at last, he was hiding there under a false identity provided by a certain _Fade_. Which they had successfully tracked down, only to find it was none other than Harkin. That old scumbag was doing business stealing information from C-Sec, and she had felt no remorse or displeasure when Garrus had shot him the leg. He deserved that.

But letting him soothe his rage by kicking up Harkin and letting him shoot Sidonis in cold blood to satisfy his need for vengeance were two different things.

She would have never allowed him to walk down that ruthless path. She had done it, she knew what it entailed, and she wouldn't wish the consequences of it on no one.

Especially not Garrus.

And especially not after she had realized her feelings for him.

She would have stopped him regardless, the fact that she now knew how she felt only helped strengthen her resolve.

And she would have said so to him too, if only he hadn't stubbornly refused to either look at her or listen to her for the whole ride back to the Normandy. Garrus had disappeared as soon as they'd set foot in the boarding tunnel, taking advantage of an engineer stopping Shepard for a report. When she'd finally managed to make her way to the battery, the door was shut, the button hovering red. She'd tried to order EDI to open it, but the AI had refused on the basis that _Officer Vakarian wished not be disturbed_.

That what you got from having a fully sentient machine running your ship.

In a fit of annoyance, Shepard had kicked the door and mouthed some very self explicative insults at the turian, concluding with a _if you don't get your skinny Turian ass out of that battery, I'm gonna punch this door down!_

When everything remained silent, she swore some more but ultimately decided to let him come to his sense before she could punch some more into him.

As she made her way back towards the CIC, she was cornered by Thane. Well, _cornered_ wasn't exactly right. She was so absorbed in her own thoughts that she had failed to see him approach. The assassin was nothing if not a gentleman, and never sneaked up on people if the situation didn't require it.

'I'm sorry to bother you Shepard, but there is a matter I would like you to help me with while we are still on the Citadel' he said, and the collected atmosphere all around him helped soothe her nerves.

'Sure, lead the way.'

Two hours later she had managed to help Thane stop his son from doing something he'd regret for the rest of his life. It felt a lot like a déjà vu, but at least Koliath seemed to be slightly more inclined to be grateful to his father than Garrus had been towards Shepard.

After she had convinced Baily to give the boy a chance, she took the opportunity to go shopping through the Wards. She was still upset about the whole Sidonis affair and, even though shopping had never been her favorite pastime, she had discovered that it was a useful stress releasing technique.

She went through several shop, the sound of her own voice endorsing all of them accompanying her, until her eyes fell on a pretty little thing resting in its cage, running on its wheel, just behind the window of a shop named _The Citadel's Souvenir Shop_.

With eyes full of love, all worries and anger forgotten, she literally skipped inside, smiling broadly – and maybe a little creepily, because a woman with blazing red eyes and scars, smiling like a psychopath isn't exactly a comforting sight.

'Hello, I'm Commander Shepard! Would you like an endorsement?' she quipped, smiling eagerly at the Asari behind the counter. The young woman was a bit shocked, caught off guard by the sudden apparition, but she took only a moment before her sense of business kicked in.

'Oh that would be amazing! Just a second, please!' she said as her hands hovered over the console on one side of the counter. Soon enough a blue flat line appeared, and Shepard repeated the same exact words she had used for her previous three endorsements.

When the recording was completed, the Asari smiled broadly up at her.

'Now, is there something you wish to buy with your discount, Commander?'

Five minutes later Valery Shepard was walking out of the shop with a small transparent cage tucked under her arm, a happy smile painted on her lips and the latest cause of her anger almost completely forgotten.

For the next twelve hours, no one aboard the Normandy got a glimpse of Shepard.

Joker had seen her come back with the Hamster and had exchanged just a couple words with her about their destination once everyone would be back, but ultimately she had disappeared back in her cabin.

When Tali had noticed her absence during not one, but three meals, she had taken it upon herself to go and force feed her friend. Or at least that was the excuse, because she hadn't seen Garrus as well and she wanted to know what exactly was going on.

Surprisingly, the door was not locked once she got out of the elevator. Not wasting time knocking since she could as well be ignored by the stubborn woman, she let herself in only to stop, mildly confused, when she got a look at the Commander.

Valery was sitting cross legged on her bed, a plastic cage abandoned on one side, and was giggling at something that Tali couldn't really see from where she was standing.

'Shepard?' she called out tentatively, not sure it the other had even registered her presence yet.

'Yes Tali?' she mused, still giggling and not bothering to raise her eyes from the sheets.

The quarian wondered for a moment whether the Commander might have gone crazy in the last day; maybe the pressure had finally caught up to her, or some Cerberus implant had started to malfunction…whatever the case, this wasn't the Shepard she usually knew.

'Is everything alright? You missed three whole meals' the young engineer inquired, slowly descending the couple steps that divided the work area from the bed and couch. After setting the trail of food in her hands down on the glass table, she turned to examine what her friend was up to, peering through the sheets. She was almost shocked when she noticed the little furry animal scurrying around, climbing on Shepard's legs and hands, making her all giggly.

'Did I? Hadn't realized' she mused, still basically ignoring the other girl.

Tali crossed her arms and just stood there watching Shepard.

She seemed way out of it for her likings. It was obvious she had took that little ball of fur as a distraction from her problem, a way not to think about anything.

But somehow her quarian sixth sense knew what this was all about, and she wasn't going to leave Shepard go to waste like this. She had eyes, even if no one could see them for real, and she had been present during their run on the dead Reaper. Never had she seen Shepard so frantic in the face of one of them getting injured, and Tali had watched and read enough romance stories to know what had happened to her.

'Have you talked to Garrus?' she asked after some minutes spent watching her.

Shepard's shoulders tensed for a split second before every trace of emotion washed away from her body.

'Nope' she quipped, almost _too_ cheerful.

'He hasn't left the battery since we came back' Tali went on, set on provoking some kind of reaction out of her.

Valery let out a bored sound before saying a short 'Don't care'.

Tali sighed behind her helmet.

'Kheela, you are two fools' she grumbled, shaking her head and turning to move away. How could they be so dense towards each other eluded her.

But Shepard reacted at her words, her head shooting up so fast she distinctively heard the pop of her bones setting back into place.

'Whaddya mean?' she asked, the words spoken so quickly they merged into each other.

Tali stopped short of the door, turning to look at her from over her shoulder.

'Go talk to him Shepard' was all the engineer offered before disappearing, leaving a renewed grumpy Commander to come to her own conclusions.


	3. Chapter 3

BOOM!  
Confessionsssssssss!

PART THREE  
Anger makes for a perfect excuse in the face of confessions!

Tali's words had left the Commander to steam over their meaning without a break.

From the moment the quarian had left her quarters to their arrival on Aeia she hadn't stopped thinking, not even when mechs and crazed men alike had started firing on them. She paid the consequences of her distraction when an Atlas shot directly at her, knocking her on her ass and out of it for a couple moments; but the fall had been enough to grant her a lovely concussion and some burns on her face. She brushed off her companions concerned expressions and pushed forward, finally entering the "safe zone".

She was still in a foul mood when she reluctantly decide to leave Jacob's father to the Alliance instead of leaving him to the men and women he had betrayed and abused over the years.

'EDI, forward a distress signal to the nearest Alliance vessel, along with a report on what happened down here. Let them handle this mess' she called into her communicator as she made her way back to the ship. Her face was burning like shit due to the blast she had taken, and her ears wouldn't stop ringing.

'Yes Commander. Should I also alert Doctor Chakwas that you are in need of medical attention?' the AI inquired, probably after reading her vital signs again.

'No. It's just a scratch, I can take care of it myself' Shepard replied, definitely not in the mood to be scanned and chided by the overbearing doctor. No, she'd slap some medigel on her face once she got back in her cabin.

'As you wish. Logging you out, Shepard' EDI's voice faded out and Valery sighed in relief.

The whole ride back she skillfully avoided both Miranda and Jacob's attempt at conversation, and once the shuttle landed in the bay, she had to resist the impulse to cloak herself. Instead, she just rushed to the elevator, not even bothering to put down her weapons. As she fretfully punched the button of her cabin, she missed Garrus' perplexed gaze following her. He'd been down there to pick up some new pieces for his sniper when the land party had come back, and he had just barely noticed the injuries that littered Shepard's face. It was rare of her to end up that roughed up…

The cabin's floor was littered with pieces of her amour and clothes alike, the whole mess drawing a path directly to the bathroom.

Valery had lost count of time; how long had she been standing under the water?

But it didn't matter. As long as it kept her from thinking, she'd stand there to the end of times.

Except peace was always short lived on military ships, and the loud swooshing of her front door opening and closing made that pretty clear. She still was in no condition to uphold a decent conversation with anyone, and she certainly was not going to put back on the horrifying uniform that Cerberus had provided, so the trespasser was going to be confronted with an angry, wet, and half-naked Shepard.

Valery turned the shower off, threw a towel on herself, and grabbed another to avoid dripping all over her floor. When the bathroom's door opened and she was faced with a chest she knew all too well, she suddenly realized that maybe her full front tactic wasn't that well thought after all.

A sigh pulled her back from her thoughts.

'Can't you at least get dressed properly Shepard?' Garrus said, eyes averted from her form and mandibles fluttering in what she imagined was displeasure.

 _Yeah well, I'd be_ displeased _as well if I was suddenly faced with a half naked member of a species I wasn't even attracted too…_

'This is _my_ cabin Garrus, in case you have forgotten. I'm allowed to go around as I well damn please' she threw back at him, moving her weight on one foot and crossing her arms in front of her chest, assuming what Joker had long ago named her _Commander pose_.

'Shepard, _please_ ' he pleaded, making her scoff.

'Fine, have it your way' she conceded, moving past him towards her wardrobe. She uncaringly picked up a pair of panties and a random t-shirt and leggings and proceeded to get dressed.

She tried not to think that the man she was fucking _in love with_ was standing just a few feet away, probably looking away in disgust, and she changed quickly. The bigger towel went to join everything else on the floor while she twisted the smaller one over her hair to make it dry faster.

'Now that I'm _properly dressed,_ – she picked the conversation back up – was there something you needed?' she asked, immediately reverting back to Commander Shepard.

Valery had no place in there, at the moment. Valery was still angry, and hurt, and confused, she had no business participating in the conversation. Commander Shepard did.

'You're injured Shepard, why didn't you go to see Chakwas?' Garrus immediately cut to the chase. At least they shared a similar mindset.

'It's nothing. I've put some medigel on it, should be fine in a couple days' she dismissed him as she had everyone else.

Also, she didn't want his concern over her well being, not when he had stubbornly refused to hear her reasons regarding his.

'It doesn't look _fine_ ' he insisted, taking the three steps down to stand in front of her. 'In fact, it looks like you've taken a rocket to your face' he grimaced, or at least his mandibles tighten in a resemblance of a grimace.

'That's because it's exactly what happened. I was distracted and an Atlas got me. It happens' she replied, still shrugging off his worry, genuine or not.

His brow plates raised in a frown.

'You're never distracted in a fight' he pointed out, earning a hard glare that would have melted everyone else on the receiving hand.

Shepard felt her control slip through her fingers, and soon her Commander's façade started to crumble.

'And who's fault do you think it is uh? If I hadn't been worried about your stupid bird's ass, then maybe _this_ – she said, pointing at the already fading burns – wouldn't have happened in the first place!' she hissed, her anger seeping through the cracks of her amour.

Garrus seemed to suddenly remember that he, too, was still holding a grudge against her, and his demeanor changed drastically, an air of menace and anger hovering all over him.

'Then you should've let me take the shot!' he barked back, inching closer.

First mistake.

'I'd never allow it' she deadpanned, fixing her green eyes in his grey ones.

'Why?' he said, his voice reduce to an almost growl.

'Because I love you, you fucking lummox!' she yelled, shoving him back with all her force.

The instant translator took only a fraction of a second to do its job, but it was enough for Garrus to be caught off guard by both her actions and her words.

He stumbled backwards, feet getting caught in the steps, and he went falling down on his ass.

This, though, didn't seem to deter her from what she had to say.

'I would never just stand there and watch you walk the same path I did! You deserve better than having your life consumed by pain and regret, you idiot!' she kept yelling, still not aware of the three little words she had said to him.

A pause.

The turian had been rendered speechless. He was just slacking there, looking up at her with the most surprised and confused expression she had ever seen on his face.

'What did you say?' he croaked, his voice failing him momentarily.

'I said I'd never allow-' she repeated, annoyed by his dumb reaction, but was stopped by his raised hand.

'No, not that. Why you'd never allow me to take the shot?' he asked, urging her to repeat herself on that particular reason. He had to know, had to be sure his translator hadn't picked up the wrong meaning.

And then, as she replayed the words she had said to him, it dawned on her.

She had said it.

Those _three magic words_ , as someone had defined them to her a long time ago.

It was then that Garrus witnessed – with no small amount of confusion and worry – Valery Shepard turn the same shade as her hair.

His visor had picked up an increment of her heart rate and she was looking at everything but him.

Was she… _embarrassed_?

He scrambled back on his feet as quickly as he had fallen down, and in a swift motion, he was right in front of her, his bare talons gripping at her arms.

'Shepard, did you mean _that_?' he asked, his voice steady and _hopeful_?

No, no it couldn't be.

He probably hadn't picked up the right meaning of her words. Yes. Definitely not.

But was she really going to take them back? She knew herself well enough to know that if it hadn't been for the sudden burst of anger and apprehension, she would have never even uttered them. Especially not to his face.

Maybe she should take her chances…

'Of course I meant that…' she whispered after a moment, still not able to meet his eyes.

The sigh of relief that left his mouth was so loud she couldn't have mistaken it for anything else if not that. Relief.

Her head shot back in surprise, and she was met with a wide smile, his mandibles spread open.

'Why are you making that face?' she asked, genuinely incapable of believing that he could even slightly reciprocate her feelings.

A chuckle left his throat, reverberating through the cabin, and Garrus pulled her close, bending down to touch his forehead with hers in the Turian gesture of deep affection.

Valery knew enough about his culture to recognize the meaning behind it, and he knew it.

Her face went beet red once more.

'Shepard, you are everything I've ever wanted. I was angry at you because you forced me to confront reality instead of raveling in my vengeance, but if letting Sidonis go means I'm getting _you_? Then, Spirits, I'd do it over and over again' he told her with the most genuine and affection tone she had ever heard.

She didn't think her blush could deepen further, but after those words it probably had.

'For real?' she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper losing itself between them.

He nodded faintly, rubbing his skin on hers.

'For real' he simply replied, trusting that she could read his truth.

Then a laugh broke out of her lips, her hands moving to cradle his face, and she went up on her tiptoes to be able to reach his mouth plates. There she kissed him lightly, unsure of how it could work out. His skin was rough under her lips, but it didn't feel unpleasant.

'Tali was right' she said then, still on her tiptoes and smiling.

'About what?'

'We are both _idiots_.'

* * *

That was only the start of a relationship that was meant to transcend time and space, and the small, newly bought Hamster, knew that he was going to be a first hand witness in the history of Valery Shepard and Garrus Vakarian.


End file.
